Tears streamed down her face and her shaky hand moved across the page, pushing her pen. She sniffed the tears back at
the sound of movement from the room next door. They mustn't know, never know. She was the rock in a shaky world to them.
Never, never tell. Her pen flew as she thought, seemingly random words being scribbled on the parchment.

Just because you have friends, you're better than I.

Just because people love you, you're better than I.

Just because when you cry the world cries with you, you're better than I.

Just because people can say to you 'I love you' and mean it, you're better than I.

Just because you're smile brightens a room while mine goes unnoticed, you're better than I.

And just because you're you, simply by that, you're better than I could ever be.

You're everything I long, desire, and need to be.

But I can't be it.

Because you're loved, you're cared for and you're looked up to as a person of stature.

I can only watch from afar though I stand next to you? never get in your way, never.

I can only force a smile when you tell me of your accomplishments- I long for the same, but they never come.

I can only laugh untruly when you tell a joke- it's funny, but I don't hear it.

I can only sit with you and you're friends and respond- I know not what I say, if it pleases you it is good.

I can only pretend that you're my friend- unanswered calls... pleas for help unnoticed.

And I can only idolize you, put you on a pedestal higher than I will ever reach and envy all that is you.

You're every part of everything that people need.

I need it, I need you.

You're friendship, love, compassion.

But no, it's not meant to be that way.

You're better than I and because of that I'll continue to observe from afar, participate to the minimum... though I'll love and
honor to the end.

She dropped her pen, shaky hands finally rebelling against writing. Drawing her palms to her face a sob ripped from her
throat. She stopped suddenly and held her breath, eyes wide, as the scream of pain echoed in the small building.

No, she thought, no- don't let them hear, God don't let them hear.

She held her breath in anticipation. She knew that this was it. They would barge in and see her- weak and pitiful, no longer the
support. She stared at her closed door. Nothing. She strained her ears. No movement. She let loose a shaky sigh of relief.

"Figures," She laughed sardonically, "I'm not you... No one notices me." She looked down to her writing.

Weak, she thought, pathetic bull shit.

She snatched the paper and ripped it in two, then crumpled the pieces into balls. She tossed the paper into her wastebasket.
"No one knows... not even you." She sighed and clenched her eyes tight as tears threatened to escape once more. "No, it's for
the better this way." She leaned over and switched off her lamp, pulling the blankets to her chin as she turned on her side.
"Much better for me to live in my own Hell... alone."

BACK to Originals